Football analysis by Mark Payne
Mark Payne is a journalist currently living in Sydney, Australia. He is a weekly correspondent for ESPN's online service and a contributor to a host of business, travel and lifestyle publications.
This article could start with the words; “At the moment, our treatment room must resemble the beach landing in Normandy – players’ arms flailing around and field medics frantically trying to issue the right medication to each of them. This ain’t great because on Tuesday we play in the Champion’s League.” However, that is the [click to read more]
There were pretty absurd games all over the place in the Premier League this weekend. It was like a collective practical joke of comedy misses, own goals and Fernando Torres. Blows were traded on both sides of the North-West vs London divide and I suspect most of us fans feel a lot older this Monday [click to read more]
It is hard to describe the set of emotions you feel when you first realise that somebody is complete pillock. Should this person be a close friend, there is a mixture of disappointment and sadness, perhaps a feeling of responsibility for it all. On the other hand, when that person in Manchester City chairman Garry [click to read more]
This is officially the match where it became impossible to remain calm about what United can achieve this season, and it is only the third league game. For years now it has been a stock-in trade of United fans to mock those who over-celebrate in August, “come back in May” we always say. But after [click to read more]
The best time to face a Redknapp side is generally just before the transfer window closes. This season, as usual, Harry is playing another game of brinkmanship with his chairman and as such, Modric was out of the line up for Old Trafford and the 23 stone Rafael Van der Vaart started. United are having [click to read more]
I love wingers, I love them. It was a crushing realisation when I was growing up to learn that I ran about as fast a geriatric on valium and was better suited to clogging than crossing. Due to the lack of kids with a sense of direction at our school my lot was to play [click to read more]
It makes me feel slightly ill to see Brian Kidd sat on the Manchester City bench, but it was probably him who felt sickest at the end of this match. Although this was certainly not a performance without flaws from United, there was plenty on display to be pleased about. Not to mention of course, [click to read more]
Pre-season used to be a quiet time of kickabouts behind closed doors whilst the lads got off the beer and the physio glued Bryan Robson’s leg back together. 2011 has been rather different, as United have met a show-reel that Jason and the Argonauts would be jealous of. Colossus after Colossus has passed through our [click to read more]
After a while of extracting great joy from the spectacle of News International’s dismembering I wondered if there was something inherently evil lurking within. Then I realised that this is the company whose news outlets have been systematically targeting England and United players for years and who had an uncanny knack of leaking scandals directly [click to read more]
Individual Performance of the Season Dimitar Berbatov vs Liverpool They are high pressure games against the team from Anfield and our record against these opponents has not been terrific of late. What’s more, having endured an enormous amount of criticism during his first two seasons at the club the Bulgar had a huge point to [click to read more]