The Devil In Me

The transfer tittle-tattle basically bores me to tears. I much prefer to see players coming through the ranks than a new John Wayne walk into the dressing room any day of the week. I will post a review of our transfer targets in the next week but beforehand I think it is important to assess the strengths and weaknesses the squad has shown up over the last year. Here goes:

Van Der Sar:

Started extremely wobbly and the general feeling at the start of the year was that he would gradually be phased out during the season. Horrifically at fault for the first goal at Anfield but showed the resolve of a great to come back and claim the clean sheet record. Can he repeat the feats next season? I doubt it, but suspect he will be asked to do so.

Foster:

One of the most talented goalies I have seen. Still very young but handled the Mickey Mouse Cup final responsibility like a champ. This could be the season when we ask ask him to step up to the plate. Only time will tell if he is ready, it would be a gamble though.

G. Nev:

The heart of the club and still our best spokesman off the pitch. He is not the man he was before his injury though. His determination and hard work will mean he stays in contention next season, but zippy forwards for our opponents look forward to playing against him now.

Vidic:

Awesome all year but I am a little worried about the trumpet blowing. His partnership with Rio is the most important thing in the team but pride tends to precede something doesn’t it? Don’t mention Fernando Torres.

Rio:

Pure class and should definitely be the next captain. I can’t remember him doing anything major  wrong all season. Almost immaculate.

Evra:

Probably his best season for us but having Rooney in front of him is a definite bonus. If he played with a winger who didn’t track back as much he could find himself in more trouble.

Rafael:

Welcome to Manchester United. Corking goal in his debut and a major talent but needs a couple more years experience to sort out his positional play.

Evans:

I wasn’t sure about him at first but he played a significant role in the clean-sheet record and deserves credit for that. A solid deputy and it is comforting to know he is there, probably not good enough to dislodge either Rio or Vidic though.

Wes:

Injured too much to really register but is class when he plays. Is there a connection between his lengthy recovery times and the rumours I hear about his fondness for a night on the tiles?

Park Ji Sung:

The man with 3 lungs and our best current chant harried every opponent he faced. It must be bloody annoying trying compete against him. Got lost in the European Cup Final and doesn’t play the decisive ball anywhere near as often as he should. Still a favourite though.

Fletcher:

Is emerging as the man of the team. The shadows of Robson and Keane hang over him but he always justifies his selection. Would like to see him become a bit more of a destroyer next year.

Ronaldo:

Spent a lot of time on the field looking like he didn’t give a damn but was still streets ahead of the rest. Likely to be the best player we have had since George but his attitude had effected his displays. I think his influence on the dressing room was having an effect on the other players and we will start seeing improvement in the performance of others now he is gone.

Rooney:

Nobody seems to mention how much has matured as a man. In interviews now his head is much more screwed on. He is doing the job of about three players on the pitch at the moment and all the hard work he does for others stops him from shining as much. Definitely my favourite current player and I hope he is played in the centre next season.

Giggs:

Another good season for Ryan, he is smart enough never to look exposed now but the pace is basically gone. Probably just cameos next year.

Scholes:

Fading. I am sorry to say it but he doesn’t have ninety minutes in him anymore. Still the best passer at the club and hope to see him come on and change a few games next year.

Carrick:

Not as  invisible as before and he was excellent against Inter. He doesn’t have enough presence on the field though and needs to sort out his haircut. Other than that, much improved and can hopefully get better again.

Nancy:

Was that second season syndrome? Needs to seriously pull his socks up.

Anderson:

A major talent but didn’t really produce this year. I still have high hopes for him but suspect that Ronaldo’s attitude was a bad influence on him.

Tevez:
Pivotally brilliant against Wigan and City but it just makes me think what was he up to the rest of the season. Almost as good as he thinks he is. A shame to see him go but I think having Kia Joorboachim in one ear and Cristiano Ronaldo in the other ear has stopped him thinking straight. Wish he was staying but he ain’t.

Berbatov:

There is more to come from this guy, much more. He does appear too languid still but boy can he control a football. I expect to see big improvements from him next year.

Wellbeck:

Scored probably the finest debut goal in history against Stoke. Will improve but a boy amongst men at the moment.

Macheda:

Basically won the league for us. I will just wait and see what happens next.

The Manager:

It is ridiculous that he is still going. Balanced the squad and team selections brilliantly all year and very nearly pulled off the quintuple. I don’t know how he continues to do it but I am bloody grateful that he does.

If you could bottle Manchester United you would have a serious concoction on your hands. It would be the kind of potion to rewrite prohibition laws, alcohol legislation worldwide would undergo serious scrutiny and support groups would pop-up like shoots in the spring time. 

My name is Mark and I am a Manchester United-aholic. It all started off so simply. Just a few hours every saturday, but before I knew it it I needed more and more. I could be caught sneaking around in the middle of the night to watch highlights reels or leaf through a Pannini sticker album that was cherished above my health. Before I knew it I was logging on before work on a monday morning just to get my United fix. Results like this one are the reason why.

A thousand scriptwriters working for a thousand years could not have written better dialogue for Federico Machedo.  He had the good grace not to fluff his lines. The poor lad will be crushed with comparisons to heroes of yesteryear from here on in but the confidence with which he took that goal (and from now on it shall be known as ‘THAT GOAL”) was utterly astonishing. The swagger of it, the quality, from one so young is what this club is all about. Norman Whiteside-esque in touch (yep, I’m guilty of the comparison stuff too) and he looks to be far stronger than your average teenage whippet as well. The man has a future.

The rest of the match was the kind to keep heart surgeons in business. Villa are a fine side and alas poor Gary was made to look every inch of his 82 years by Little John in the middle for the Villans and some rapier wing work on their left hand side.

But no matter. We have been due a loss against Villa since Nixon was in office and every time this fixture comes up I dread it knowing that the party must end some time. Thankfully not today, and we can swig from the cup of United now with slightly less trepidation than  in the last fortnight. Next up, a round with Porto in Europe. Ye Gods. What will United serve up next?

How do you say ‘thank you’ in Russian? How do you sack a man who has won a World Cup before the paint has even dried around his parking space? Were Chelsea really incapable of turning around a bad month under Big Phil? There is only one man who could honestly claim to know the answer to all of those questions and that is everybody’s favourite billionaire Roman Abramovich.

Two years ago there was a growing concern that we would need to build a new type of supercomputer to process the number of records Chelsea were breaking. Most goals scored, biggest League winning margin, most handsome manager, Lampard playing 2,982 consecutive games. Now when we look at them statistically they are starting to resemble another big club in decline. Newcastle. Three manager’s sacked in 18 months, two mid-season, and an ever tetchier home crowd reminds me distinctly of the period directly after Bobby Robson was so hideously P45’d on Tyneside.

Perhaps Roman has been conference calling Freddy Shepheard on how to completely balls up the fortunes of a prosperous club. If you know any Chelsea fans I doubt your heart is bleeding too much for them but they are in real trouble here. The money just ain’t flowing the way it was and they do not have any kind of stability or foundation to survive tough times. Perhaps they should just put John Terry in charge (he seems to be bossing things around Shearer-like anyway) and be done with it. A small step for Phil, and a giant leap towards the dreadful if you ask me.

I had a tremendous sense of dread before this game. We all have a habit of inheriting the sins of our fathers and Cloughie senior loved nothing better than to put one over on Alex. But, thankfully, United’s young guns managed to prove me wrong. However, like almost all United teams that have gone before them, they made us suffer a bit for it.

My trepidation was based around the assumption that Fergie would play a weakened team and Derby would go for it, if they had scored first we would have needed three and that is a tricky prospect against any opposition.

Three goals in the opening period put me firmly in my place but we now have serious injury problems and by the time the match finishes against West Brom we will have played 8 fixtures in 23 days. That is a lot whoever you are.

On the bright side, we are in a cup final. One hopes that the price of getting to this one does not cost our participation in any others. In the interests of cliche, there is a long way to go. A long way.

It is pretty tough to imagine how this week could get any better. Perhaps Angelina Jolie will call and tell me she has ‘had enough of Brad and can I take her in for a couple of weeks’, or maybe I will open tomorrow’s newspaper and read the headline:
CURE FOR CANCER FOUND IN BEER!
Unfortunately, despite the longing glances I am casting at my phone, neither of those things will happen. Instead, when I read my copy of the Daily Hooray over breakfast I will see the follwing two things:
1. Cahill equalises
and
2. Kaka snubs Man City

Tim Cahill is no Tomb Raider but he will do for now.

So, where do things now lie? The reality is that only three points separate the top four teams so absolutely nothing can be taken for granted. Also, and this is critical, the greatest obstacle we now face may be overconfidence in our own team. Do not start gloating yet chaps.

As things stand, we have several players injured, an out of form Paul Scholes and an extremely tired team. If we take results from elsewhere in the country out of the picture and focus solely on our own form, then we would reach the following two conclusions.

Firstly, we have an enormous number of fixtures approaching, including a semi-final and two games against Mourinho’s Inter Milan. And secondly, we are not scoring enough goals and Wayne Rooney is injured. Anybody watching the side wheeze to the last couple of victories, or losing to Derby, should be inclined to hold their horses.

Still, with everybody else in the league doing their best to take it easy on us we should be grateful that we are where we are. Any confidence we may feel right now is to be of the quiet kind, anything else would be silly. Mind you, if Angelina calls then the race is over. I’ll let you know.

Talking to the Hoops fans I found it interesting to discover how many of them really don’t rate ‘the Strach’. They think ‘hees not a troo huup’ and probably a ‘proddy’, but they are not entirely sure.

In this instance I don’t think I can blame them (not on the religious aspect of course). Celtic played United in the same stage of the same competition just two years ago and nearly frightened the life out of us, indeed, they nicked a victory at Parkhead with an absolute peach of goal from Nakamura.

Apart from having the most politically incorrect chant on the isles (“he eats chow mein he votes sinn fein”), Nakamura is also a mighty handy player. He also started last night. So when ‘the Strach’ came out to the papers the day before and announced that playing United at Old Trafford is ‘daunting’ and a ‘near impossible task’ I for one, might have been less than pleased with the boss getting his excuses in early.

Yes, Vennegor of Impossiblylongsurnamelink was out injured and a few others but isn’t this exactly the kind of match where form is supposed to go out of the window? England v Scotland, blood and guts players plunging boots into each other, impossible running and Roy of the Rovers type stuff?

Well, none of that happened and instead we had an accomplished United beat a surrendering Celtic. Berbatov seems to have discovered running and with him and Rooney scoring we can only hope that Ronaldo becomes so jealous that he tries to catch up.

Form is being hit now and we should, with all fingers crossed, pick up the next nine points in the league. By the time those three games are done we will have a much clearer vision of how our domestic campaign is going to look.

Europe is too anomalous to call at the moment, but I do wish this game had had more bite to it.