The Devil In Me

Panorama used to be the pinnacle of investigative news reporting. We did not see those giddy heights scaled in this week’s program on the Glazers. Although I very much liked the allusion that our American owners look somewhat like garden gnomes, it was definitely cheap television. Richard Dimbleby must be spinning in his grave.

What the program did do quite positively was harpoon some of the rubbish that has been in the papers of late. Headlines such as ‘Red Knights Doomed’ and ‘Bid Falters’ have been doing the rounds and there can be little doubt these originate from the American’s PR manoeuvrings.

As far as I can see the situation has not changed, we simply have a little more information about it. More specifically it is now clear the Glazers are indeed broke and that is why they are ripping us off.
What they are doing is the equivalent of paying off one credit card debt with another’s balance, our balance. Personally if I were in a similar financial mess I would sell off an asset, e.g. a car, in order to service my debts. The Glazers appear to be too greedy to do so.

The message from the lawyer was most chilling; “They are businessmen and will not give in.” I would suggest that we must meet such determination with similar zeal. Fergie said after the 2008 Champion’s League final, “we had a bit of a cause, and people with a cause are difficult to barter with.” That is precisely the position we are in now.

Again, it is imperative that we hit them in the pocket. I would urge all United season ticket holders not to renew and all fans to abstain from official merchandising for the time-being. These parasites must go.

Many of us will feel that with no immediate pay-off our efforts are in vain. I would like to remind you of the story of the Wright Brothers. They were told that flight was impossible, that greater men than they had tried and failed to get man airborne. They did give in; they kept going and believed in their vision. The rest is history.

I believe in Manchester United, I have a vision of us as a fan owned club in the near future. Do not give in.

Photography courtesy of FadderUri at flickrCcoms.com

Mark is reporting on the World Cup for the Abc and you can follow him on twitter here or at TheDevilinMe

With Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo tipped to make huge splashes at this year’s summer jamboree, two Manchester United alumni are set to take centre stage at the World Cup for possibly the first time. I thought this would be a nice opportunity to look back through the archive and see which United players had made the biggest impact on World Cups gone by. Here is the (by no means definitive) list:

Norman Whiteside Northern Ireland Caps: 38 Goals: 9

Big Norm is distinguished by being one of the few people to scrub Pele’s name out of the record books. In Spain ’82 he became the youngest ever player to go to a finals at 17 years and 41 days breaking the Brazilian’s long-held record. He made his mark on the tournament too, by scoring the winning goal in Northern Ireland’s stupendous victory over the hosts.
Four years later he was back in Mexico and scored again against Algeria. Looking back at what he had achieved by the age of 21 makes you remember what a truly special talent Norman Whiteside was.

Jesper Olsen Denmark Caps: 43 Goals: 5

Jesper was a nippy, tricky little winger United snapped up from Ajax during the eighties. An Old Trafford favourite who, along with wee Gordie Strachan, proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that United fielded the best gingers of the decade.
The Danish team of the mid-eighties was a little bit special. Michael Laudrup pulled the strings of some beautiful passing football and they are etched on the psyche of that nation’s footballing consciousness forever. I have a friend called Tue, an enormous blonde tree trunk of a man, who has waxed lyrical about this side to me on many an occasion.
The Danes produced the result of the tournament in ’86 walloping two-time winners Uruguay 6-2 and inflicting their heaviest defeat for more than 50 years. Alas, in the last 16 they were crushed 5-1 by Spain. Leading early in the game Olsen misplaced a pass and Emilio Butragueno slid in to make the scores level before going on to net four in total.
There is now a phrase in Danish ‘a rigtig Jesper Olsen’ (a real Jesper Olsen) for people who make mistakes.
Ouch.

Bobby Charlton England Caps: 106 Goals: 49

You could write a book about Bobby’s footballing achievements, in fact I am pretty sure several people have.
But Bobby’s impact on the national side’s fortunes is immense. He scored 3 goals on the run to the final in ’66 where he and the legendary Beckenbauer effectively marked each other out of the game.
Four years later England were 2-0 up against the Germans and cruising in the quarter final. Charlton was substituted and West Germany duly turned the game around before going on to win the entire tournament. It would prove to be England’s last performance at the finals for 12 years.
In 1958, at 20 years of age, Charlton was deemed too young by the England management to go to the greatest show on earth. This despite the fact he was one of the outstanding players in United’s great Busby Babes side. Brazil did take their 17 year old, Pele, and won. I am sure Bobby doesn’t sit around thinking ‘what might have been’ but it does highlight that England managers have been largely muppets for a long time now.

Nobby Stiles England Cap: 28 Goals: 1

Tackling was invented for Nobby Stiles. Along with the Great Barrier Reef and the Northern Lights to see him crunch into an opponent was one of the world’s most beautiful sights.
Nobby famously played every minute of England’s victorious 1966 campaign and his chaotic dancing on the final whistle is still a special sight. The fact that his only international goal came in a victory against Germany should alone make him a national hero.
In the semi-final, against Portugal, Stiles was given the job of marking Eusebio, one of the world’s best players. Eusebio didn’t get a look in all match and the United midfielder’s commitment was there for all to see.
Apparently, before the game, Alf Ramsay had said to Nobby, “I want you to take Eusebio out of the game.”
To which Nobby replied, “What? Permanently?”
Legend.
He is also the only England player to have slammed his front door in this correspondent’s face. But that is an entirely different story.

AND! Courtesy of the Crinkleys, here is the United-England 11, can you think of any more?

Goal: Stepney (one cap).

Back four: Gary (or Foulkes – one cap), Rio (or Mark Jones), Stiles, Byrne.

Midfield: Beckham, Edwards, Robson, Charlton.

Strikers; Rooney, Tommy Taylor or, somewhere, David Pegg or Dennis Violett (check) or John Connelly (who played one game in the 1966 World Cup).

Subs; Phil, Wes, Duxbury, Fluster (ha!), Johnny Berry (one cap, I think), Sadler, Wilkins etc etc.

Clouds were gathering at the start of this season with the departures of Ronaldo and Carlos “cough” mercenary “cough” Tevez. The Guardian predicted United would finish sixth and this very correspondent said that four in a row would be too much to ask. Michael Owen’s signing had gone down like a turd sandwich and many of us entered the campaign with fears it may be a season of damage limitation.

It is of no surprise to me that so much of the fan experience this year took place away from the kicking of a ball. Perhaps the highlight of our season was David Beckham’s return and his iconic grabbing of the Green and Gold scarf at the end of the Milan tie. What a great man he is.

The club’s ownership is now in the hands of people more powerful than I and all I can do from here is hope that the right thing plays out. In the cold light of day we, the supporters, still need the club, that is the ultimate bargaining chip. At the moment it is a chip the Glazers still hold. Absurd as it is, we need to endanger the club in order to save it, that is some kind of crazy surgery, it makes me weep.

On the field, it is difficult to describe how much joy I derived from our fixtures against City this year. Gary Cook performed the impossible feat of making victory over the neighbours even more enjoyable and with two last-minute winners in the league games we could not ask for more. They were truly cracking matches as well, but being smug about it would be foolish. This is certainly the best City team for thirty odd years and they will probably achieve something soon.

Why oh why can I not like Michael Owen? There is no doubt he is a tremendous striker with liquid nitrogen for blood and better positioning than Stephen Hendry on a 147. He scored the winner against City, plopped in a hat-trick in the European Cup and scored in a victorious cup final. But nope, still not a major fan. I think he is valuable as a squad player for the coming season but I can’t imagine a situation where I’ll sing his name. Bizarre, probably more my problem than his I suppose.

There are differences between this year’s crop and the great teams of the past, a lack of regular right-back and solid back up striker being the most obvious. But it was the return to wing play this season that really puts a smile on my face. Valencia has been little short of tremendous and at 23 will only improve. Nani also upped his performance levels but too often seems to want to finish games deserving both the ballon d’or and a punch in the face. This was the last year when immaturity can be used as an excuse, I hope he knows that.

The stories I hear about Kiko Macheda are equally worrying. I have no idea how you explain to an 18 year old millionaire how to focus on their job and stop mucking around. No wonder Fergie adopts an air of fearsome anger, it is a miracle he can get them out of bed in the morning and eating their greens if you ask me.

At the back Rio and Vidic took turns on the treatment table while everybody else in the squad took turns and centre-back. Tremendous credit must go to Fletcher, Carrick and Johnny Evans for filling in. We still had the best defence in the league which is a sturdy achievement. Evra was superb all season long and despite what everybody says about Cashley Cole he is, for my money, the best left-back in the world. VDS swatted aside the young pretenders and showed true class between the sticks. Young Ben did not stand up to the challenge.

Rooney, quite simply, proved that he is a direct descendent of God. He has been awesome this season but we leant on him too heavily. When he went down in Munich so did the hearts of Reds around the world. Twas Berbatov we needed to step up and step up he did not. The Bulgar’s performances were often good but not good enough when it mattered. In this I see the lesson that splurging cash on a big name will not solve our problems.

You would have be some kind of embittered bog-lizard to look upon a league table at season’s end and find cheer in the troubles of your rivals. We are not champions, simple as that, the fact City and Liverpool are not either is merely a relief, not a cause for celebration.

Glory is not obtained by nice people, simply because they don’t really want it, yet in Carlo Ancellotti Chelsea have a manager who is not entirely repugnant. The same cannot be said for their team.

So now for the World Cup. I hope for two things, firstly that no United players pick up long-term injuries and secondly that we don’t end up foolishly buying someone on the strength of one good showing in an international tournament. The name Karel Poborsky still brings a tear to my eye. I wonder what Cristiano Ronaldo is thinking about the season gone by.

Player of the season: Wayne Rooney

Have a great summer and thanks for all your comments and support throughout the year. I shall be posting over the coming months about the tournament in South Africa and any other United stuff that tickles my fancy.

“When I were a lad”, as begins the famous Monty Python skit with four Yorkshiremen. Various tales of hardship are shared out between the grumpy old gits about how tough it was growin up tup north.

Who’d a thought United’d struggle without young Wayne? Well, everyone actually. Unfortunately, some of also thought that Berbatov would step up to the plate. Certainly he has stepped up, but his stride is yet to break out into a sprint, not even a steady jog.

Well it ain’t easier for any of us at the moment. Just looking around locally, Burnely fans could whinge about Brian Laws being on a one-man mission to take them down. City can’t exactly scream from the rooftops about Garry Cook and Blackburn are, well, in Blackburn.

Wigan remind of the resident space cadet at school – highly entertaining when they turn up, but that ain’t much. Arsenal are unappreciated elves losing their battle against a platoon of Robocops (or Barcelona) and Liverpool are under the charge of a man with dodgy facial hair who has clearly lost his mind.

So when I want to launch into a long tirade about how terrible it is that Rooney is injured, I spare a thought for every fan in the country – because this season we are all suffering. And at least we’ve got a cup.

People talk about the neutrals wanting Arsenal and Fulham to do well because they are “well-run clubs”. Arsenal, fair enough, but Fulham? Mohammad Al Fayed’s plaything, with a moneyed up owner and little historic soul, are everything that is wrong with English football. You can’t put Roy Hodgson in front of something and tell me that it is pretty, even if he is a lovely bloke.

It begs the question, who are these neutral fans? Some kind of grey-clad, Swiss people only interested in the welfare of good in the world? Nope. They actually don’t exist. In my book, you either have some kind of stake in the game or you’re not really that bothered.

I’ll concede that it is exciting. There are plenty of sumptuous fixtures left, and if anyone can correctly predict the formation of the top 8 now I shall happily give you the religion of my first born.

Lining up in the following fixtures we need a turbo charged Berba, the 1999 Neville, Macheda with Michael Owen’s brain and Fergie to plan his team selections better that he plans his post-match whinges about the ref.

Will City do us a massive favour? Will Spurs help Arsneal? How will Liverpool feel if they have to beat Chelsea to finish fourth but hand us no.19 in the process?

Spare a thought for all the football fans in this country, because mostly we suffer from football rather than enjoy it. In a few weeks though, some of us will be drinking Chateaux de Chaselet and saying, “who’d a thought?” I hope it’s us.

There are some things that I just don’t understand. The connection between Jesus, chocolate eggs and rabbits eludes me. The contents of Alex Ferguson’s mind during important European games is also beyond my comprehension. There have been times in the past when the wizard’s substitutions have been inspired (1999) but this week wasn’t one of them.

I am not wholly convinced that when we were coming under increasing pressure taking off two midfielders and replacing them with two attackers is the best policy. I applaud the ‘Manchester United-ness’ of the idea, but we lost. Nani has made his way into my good books of late but anyone can see that Valencia tracks back more. Just an opinion.

Everybody is entitled to a bad day at the office and I am not one to whinge when Fergie has delivered six squillion trophies to OT already – there is the feeling though that Van der Sar was the only person who earned his paycheque in Germany.

2-1 away is not the worst result in history but it certainly looks like an opportunity missed. Robben will be back for the next fixture and with him and Ribery on the field things would seem to be set up nicely for Bayern to play a counter-attacking game in Manchester.

Getting a one nil at home sounds feasible were it not for the fact that we are hosting Chelsea’s collection of hackers, foulers and cheats (marital and footballing – works two ways that) this Saturday. Without Wayne Rooney.

For those that love statistics which mean precisely nothing, we have won 11 games without the scouser this season, but my confidence is not at an all time high here. Not meaning to put any undue pressure on one player – Dimitar Berbatov, this is your moment. Time to show us what £30m can do. I place my faith in your boots.

Beating Bolton four nil away was a terrific was to start off the current set of fixtures but a hefty main course now awaits us. Twenty years ago, the final games in March saw us play Sheffield Wednesday, Southampton and Coventry – we were also five years away from our last trophy. As such, there can be no complaints against facing two of the richest sides on the planet three times in eight days. This is what it’s all about and we are lucky to be here. How we will fare is another question.

Most of us were dumbstruck last season by how well Ferguson rotated the squad, putting us on the verge of a potential quintuple. The juggling was supreme up until a horrific night in Rome that seemed a game too far. This week Fergie is going to have to pick his teams with the utmost care.

My prayers have been answered by the return of fit versions of VDS, Rio and Vidic and one hopes that all of this hoo-ha about Rooney’s knee turns out to be just a load of rubbish. I expect United to play at least the first two fixtures in a 4-2-3-1 formation, with Valencia looping balls into Rooney to bury. With both matches my fear lies with the speed of the opponents’ front men.

Louis Van Gaal is a wily old manager and you can completely ignore the platitudes he has been sprouting in the press . The man has an ego the size Jupiter and will be looking to make his mark against United. The trouble we had against Wolves, and early on in Milan, will have been noted and G.Nev will need shielding by a dogged Fletcher or Park in both games.

Robben (another nominee for the Jose Mourinho Ego of the Millenium Award) is darn tricky to play against and we will need Evra to be at the top of his game to keep him in check.

With all due respect, Bayern were a heavy side of lucky against Fiorentina but their league results indicate that they are gearing up for the United game more than any other. That seemed to work pretty well for Inter and we should be more wary than the form books suggests.

Having the second leg at home is often regarded as an advantage but after what will no doubt be a brutal slugging with Chelsea on Saturday, Fergie will want to be in the driving seat by the time things get to OT. I thoroughly expect United to go for it in the Allianz arena, alas, I also expect us to concede.

Perhaps some people are happy with their clubs playing the classic ‘score-and-consolidate’ variety of European football. As a United fan it is alien to me. In advance of the next eight days I have booked in with a heart specialist next Thursday who will be able to tell me whether I am still technically alive or not. By that time I hope United are still kicking along too.

Allez les rouges.

To catch up with what the Bayern fans think see Susie Schaaf’s blog here

I am not into any of the darker elements of the famous enmity, but after the pasting we received last season United fans are entitled to enjoy a couple of things. Firstly, Benitez has clearly lost his dressing room, a fact made starker by the fact our best players were the hard working squad men Fletcher and Ji Sung Park.

It is hard to take your eyes off Rooney at the moment – however if do, you will see a hard working team who are working for each other. Our side is not without its flaws but there is a determination about them at this important stage of the season that gives me much to cheer.

I don’t, however, think winning any further silverware is going to be easy. The run-ins for the top clubs have a dizzying number of close-to-call possibilities, the one thing we can be thankful for is that it is in our hands. To defeat Spurs, Chelsea and City during the final push would be some achievement. Ferguson deserves astounding credit for what the squad has accomplished already this season. The man is ridiculously dogged.

How the hell he made the “effing perch” comment and then stuck around twenty odd years to see it through I’ll never know.

Fidelity is an important thing. One must be loyal. This is why I promise, hand on heart, that I will enjoy beating other clubs less than Liverpool for all eternity. The feeling, no doubt, is mutual.

History is littered with great rivalries, Christianity vs Islam, Hitler vs Churchill and Wiley E Coyote vs Roadrunner have all made their mark on times gone by. Now it is time for a new contest – Fernando Torres vs karma.

As this tight game drew to a close the deadly Torres bore down on the United goal and tragedy beckoned. The ball bobbled on the very spot that he had earlier scuffed up in order to intimidate (chuckle) a penalty-taking Rooney. I was seriously worried that I might die laughing. Thankfully, after several hours I came to.

Next up are Bolton, then Bayern and Chelsea. Some week, it’s time to rock and roll.

Footnote: Welcome back Owen Hargreaves, keep those knees together and we’ll hope you can get some playtime. The above sentence cannot be used in any other context.

Follow markjpayne@twitter.com and www.thedevilinme.co.uk

There is nothing wrong with optimism. Cynics claim they are merely being realistic but if I wanted to hang around with people who see something bad in everything good I’d start kicking back with Mary Whitehouse and Jeremy Paxman. That’s not for me, I live in a world here the only reason Jessica Alba hasn’t confessed her undying love for me is because we haven’t met, where the winter is a gift and where it ain’t so bad if someone leaves the toilet seat up from time to time.

I do, however, have limits. Cruel experience has taught me never, ever to take anything for granted on the football field, and sure as hell not in the European Cup. UEFA have now drawn for the quarter-finals of the Champions League and more than one wise United fan has cheerfully looked up and said, “We’ll have a chance to do Barcelona again in the final”. Well hang on a bloody second. I may already have chosen a middle name and high-school for the third child Jessica and I will have in 2018, but this is football. Time to be serious.

Whilst our next sojourn into Europe gives us all an excuse to watch thisagain, it seems to have inspired a bit of innocent buffoonery in our support. So sadly, my cheerful little mind has come up with a list of reasons why we should not be over presumptuous about getting past Bayern Munich in the next round.

1. German football teams are famous for winning things. In the immortal words of Gary Linekar, “Football is eleven men against eleven and in the end the Germans win”. Even when they are losing they can scare the bejesus out of you. For examples of this I cite the 1986 World Cup Final (quote after 1min and 6seconds here) and the 1999 Champions League final (watch it again). Tear-inducingly brilliant as that was, we were luckier than a leprechaun at the end of a rainbow in a pot of rabbits’ feet.

2. Leverkeusen. Just that one vowel-heavy word can have me shaking my head. I still struggle to comprehend what went wrong in that semi-final and the experience alone should be enough to stop people taking things for granted. But if it isn’t…

3. …then feel free to cast an eye over the events at Craven Cottage this week. I doubt any Juve supporters seriously thought they could get turned over in the second leg. But that air of deduction proved to be fatal.

4. French teams are no joke at the moment. So, HYPOTHETICALLY, we beat Bayern and meet, for example, Lyon in the next round – what can we expect? A team that has already seen to Real Madrid this year must be respected and there is the intriguing master/apprentice duel between Fergie and Larry White to consider too. This clip exemplifies they do always work out in favour of the master.

5. Even if we do get past everybody else and meet Barca again let’s not overlook the fact that they are actually a pretty special team. This week they did for Stuttgart what the volcano did for Pompeii. Even if we manage to clone Wayne Rooney and replace his skeleton with tungsten steel I still reckon they’d be a handful.

Mind you, it’d be wicked if we could do Barca in the final and make up for last ye…DAMN!!