The Devil In Me

The very sight of John Terry compromises the integrity of my innards. I extend my deepest sympathy to those who earn their living writing full time about football in the UK this week. The issue of the England captaincy, and indeed the England team at all, overlooks the fact that everybody stopped caring a while ago about how the spoilt prima donnas get on in their travails. Meaningless beyond belief.

Equally, the significance of Berbatov’s late winner against Bolton could not be ignored. The players went ballistic and it reminded me that we are still putting out eleven men who care deeply about the results of the team. With the injury situation having our backs against the wall the sense of relief was palpable.

Of course, in an ideal world we wouldn’t be wildly celebrating victories over Bolton if we had won a few more away games this campaign. Nonetheless, I can think of at lest three weekends this season where the spread of results has completely favoured United. It seems at times that the ineffectiveness of our rivals has made us look a lot more clinical than we are. Our secret weapon for the league is Manuel Almunia.

There is a lot of whining about the quality of our team at the moment. Fair enough, but if every week we had the Class of ’92 and that night at the Camp Nou these things would cease to be special. The weather today is not as wonderful as it was on my wedding day either. That doesn’t change the fact that I must appreciate what is in front of me. Cursing the day is only ever going to be a negative choice.

Nani seems to have decided the best way to use this international break is to voice his discontent about how he is being deployed at United. He must be insane if he thinks this is not going to make Fergie almightily angry. Nani is not only the most improved player in the squad this time around but now, quite genuinely, one of the most exciting players in the division. He needs to stay.

The same cannot be said for the entire playing staff I am afraid. There are rumours of a cleanout of five or six players materializing in the summer. You could expect Carrick, Brown and a few others to be among them. Gary Neville has already dodged his intended bullet. The information I receive tells me that the Glazers basically want out but can’t find a buyer. If the Qatari bid comes to pass then that clear out will take place with more gusto.

However, it wouldn’t change the game much for us fans. The Glazers have set up the club’s financial potential for all to see now. Any new owner will employ the same money-grabbing, fan-disregarding antics, the only difference would be that the money would hopefully be reinvested in the team rather than paying debts. That’s something I guess.

There will be no apology made to the BBC in my estimation. Sir Alex Ferguson is a remarkably difficult man and you’re more likely to see peace break out in the Middle East than between the manager and the national broadcaster. He is though, pulling out all of the managerial stops this season and this ageing, and awkward curmudgeon is determined to get us to 19.

The league campaign is most under threat now from the dark stench of Chelsea that is coming up behind us. It is hard to predict what will happen in Europe but I have a horrible feel they might nick it. One wonders if John Terry might break into tears again if they don’t.

Bring ‘em on.

We probably all feel like Chilean miners on the day of release this week but, frankly, my nerves are still in tatters. The game I saw involved us being outplayed until Fabio scored, second best until the second goal and never in control till their lad was injured. I really should have more faith in Sir Alex Ferguson.

If Edwin Van Der Sar finishes proceedings as Man of the Match then all cannot have gone according to plan, no matter how it looked at the final whistle. Again we were set up to basically play defensively at Old Trafford, whatever next? The team strip to be changed to sky blue? If it works, it works I suppose.

There are though, positives to draw from this spirit-shredding period. Chris Smalling is already looking like top class centre-half and also seems to be building a strong understanding with the captain in the heart of our backline. Considering Rio often does know if all his body parts are attached nowadays this can only be a good thing.

It has been evident all season that Rafael is a delight to watch and Fabio is coming along very nicely too. Although probably forced on Fergie it was a brilliant move to play them both in midfield. Their pace is basically what did for Arsenal in my opinion.

What is more is that Hernandez looks deadlier by the week. It is wonderful for us to see a genuinely two-footed striker who can head the ball as well as Denis in the side at the moment. On the subject of strikers, has anybody else noticed that Rooney has scored something like six or so in the last eight games? That isn’t too far off his stats from last season. Keep it to yourself.

However, the best thing about this week is that it is not last week. My central nervous system has only a couple of days to start healing itself before we take on Marseille in a Champion’s League tie shaped like a giant banana-skin. At least I am happy today.

Allez les rouges.

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The numbers, like Shakira’s hips, don’t lie. We just don’t play as well without Rio and Vidic. Nonetheless, there have been easier weeks to be a United fan. With Liverpool’s cup final now scrubbed of the agenda we can get on with the business of trying to get to the real ones.

Neither of our first choice centre-halves would have been able to do much about the opener I fear. Much as it made our defence look like muppets, Suarez’s work for their first goal was genuinely world class. Damn shame, because we were definitely the better team at that point. The score line violently flatters Liverpool, the truth of the matter is it just wasn’t our lucky day.

Context is always a useful thing when looking at results. The final score at Anfield will likely be the best thing that happens to Liverpool FC, or in the lives of their fans, this year. Much the same can be said about Chelsea last week. Similarly, a crystal meth addict would celebrate a £500 win on a lottery scratch card with wild abandon; it doesn’t mean that the win is very important in the scheme of things though.

Let’s bear in mind that having lost twice in a week United still top the league by three points. It must be upsetting for fans of other clubs that they trail in the wake of the worst United team for years. They have my sympathy.

It is okay for United to be a major scalp for the other sides – personally I find it flattering. Indeed, the attempts of Liverpool and Chelsea fans make at being ‘dignified’ are a source of great amusement too.

What isn’t funny is Jamie Carragher’s attempt to end Nani’s career. Yes, the Portuguese is a big girl’s blouse but he is also one of the most entertaining players in the division. You can argue that United losing is good for the league as the Championship is now far more open. However, the way Carragher plays the game damages the sport in general. There is no excuse.

So, the biggest game of the Anfield club’s season is out of the way. Their team played well, if not a little dirtily, and they pretty much deserved their victory. When May swings around United are likely to be in the mix for a trophy or two. Liverpool won’t be.

Disclaimer: No referees were questioned in the writing of this column.

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Let me be the first to congratulate Chelsea on their victory. If things keep going like this for them they have a very strong chance of scraping a Champions League place for next season. Well done them. And who can begrudge them this? They are a rootin’, tootin’, student shootin’ group of gentlemen who deserves all the best that life can bring them. Watching them play you would think the sport had been invented for dodgy penalty calls and cynically holding the ball up in the corner of the pitch. What a joy it is to watch them practice their art.

As you might have noticed, I am not best pleased by the result at Stamford Bridge. Fergie has a real point when he says that it is three years on the bounce we have been robbed there. Indeed, it is very easy to argue that Rooney should have been hung, drawn and quartered after last weekend but an elbow is an elbow and a penalty is decisively game-changing. They are different things.

Personally, I never bought into any of this ‘Invincibles’ or ‘Indominatables’ rubbish. The thing I look at with any sense of care is the league table. It is now looking far more favourable for Arsenal than it did a while ago. Obviously, it is better to focus on United, rather than our rivals, but it is galling that a side with a defence as dodgy as theirs should be on the verge of catching us at the top. United need to bounce back. Now.

And so it is that we drive our bus into Hubcap city this weekend without the central defensive partnership that has served us so well and carrying a sense of injustice the size of London. It is going to be interesting. My worst fear is that Gerrard will be a terrorising influence and that we won’t be able to keep track of him.

Again, we need big performances from Messsr’s Scholes and Fletcher. Chicharito had earned his start at the Bridge but looked sadly out of his depth. Berbatov’s ball holding skills will be needed at Anfield instead. Carrick can put out the corner flags for all I care.

The last 24 hours at work have been most unpleasant, it is amazing how half the country turns into fans of the other team after United are beaten. If it happens again on Sunday, next week will be unbearable. But I’ll still be here, writing away about United and crossing my fingers when they step out onto the pitch. Well anyway, when did they not make us suffer on the way to winning something?

Follow Mark on twitter.com/markjpayne

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Let me be the first to congratulate Chelsea on their victory. If things keep going like this for them they have a very strong chance of scraping a Champions League place for next season. Well done them. And who can begrudge them this? They are a rootin’, tootin’, student shootin’ group of gentlemen who deserves all the best that life can bring them. Watching them play you would think the sport had been invented for dodgy penalty calls and cynically holding the ball up in the corner of the pitch. What a joy it is to watch them practice their art.

As you might have noticed, I am not best pleased by the result at Stamford Bridge. Fergie has a real point when he says that it is three years on the bounce we have been robbed there. Indeed, it is very easy to argue that Rooney should have been hung, drawn and quartered after last weekend but an elbow is an elbow and a penalty is decisively game-changing. They are different things.

Personally, I never bought into any of this ‘Invincibles’ or ‘Indominatables’ rubbish. The thing I look at with any sense of care is the league table. It is now looking far more favourable for Arsenal than it did a while ago. Obviously, it is better to focus on United, rather than our rivals, but it is galling that a side with a defence as dodgy as theirs should be on the verge of catching us at the top. United need to bounce back. Now.

And so it is that we drive our bus into Hubcap city this weekend without the central defensive partnership that has served us so well and carrying a sense of injustice the size of London. It is going to be interesting. My worst fear is that Gerrard will be a terrorising influence and that we won’t be able to keep track of him.

Again, we need big performances from Messsr’s Scholes and Fletcher. Chicharito had earned his start at the Bridge but looked sadly out of his depth. Berbatov’s ball holding skills will be needed at Anfield instead. Carrick can put out the corner flags for all I care.

The last 24 hours at work have been most unpleasant, it is amazing how half the country turns into fans of the other team after United are beaten. If it happens again on Sunday, next week will be unbearable. But I’ll still be here, writing away about United and crossing my fingers when they step out onto the pitch. Well anyway, when did they not make us suffer on the way to winning something?

Follow Mark on twitter.com/markjpayne

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