The Devil In Me

It is hard to get philosophical about an away game at Stoke. It is going to be difficult and is likely to be grim. What’s more, last week we were being fed the football equivalent of lobster on the top of Mount Olympus by a naked Marilyn Monroe – so it was always going to be a come down from there.

However, as Marilyn retires to the kitchen to do the washing up, I find myself coming to my senses and having a look at the season so far. We ain’t doing too bad at all. Arsenal, Spurs, City and now Stoke have been dispatched and we have maximum points for our efforts, not to mention a tricky European Cup tie out of the way too.

None of our rivals have had as prickly a run of fixtures so far, Liverpool’s six against Hull being about as impressive as winning an arm wrestle against a quadriplegic badger, and poor little Carlo can’t even understand how his mob lost at Wigan.

The ‘experts’ will tell you that getting results against ‘tough, direct teams’ like Bolton and Stoke and anybody with a player who can tackle is what wins you championships. Perhaps. Or maybe it’s just getting results in general. Nani did look like a player you can knock over without too much trouble (he’d make a great Arsenal player) but we still got the result.

The thing that strikes me about United’s play at the moment is that they are operating much more as a team than before. Previously we had the “Give it to Ronaldo” mentality that by and large payed dividends. Now the passes are pinging across the pitch more unpredictably and more of our players and getting involved at the cutting edge. Everybody is getting a chance to shine and they look a bit happier too. Except Rooney of course, who was born angry.

After the sneering at Giggsie winning the Player of the Year award last year it is deeply satisfying to see him showing everyone a thing or two on the pitch again. What a renaissance he is having, who is playing better in the league at the moment? Torres, perhaps Rooney?

The thing is though, I worry how we will get on at the business end of the Champions League this year. Ronaldo was the difference in the last two seasons and we might possibly be up against it should we meet either those large Spanish teams. One hopes that God is on our side if those fixtures come up. Next up is Volfsburg on Wednesday, the German equivalent of Stoke methinks, let’s pack our silver bullets for the occasion.

Follow Mark at http://blogs.soccernet.com/manchesterunited/ and @markjpayne on twitter
Photography from my mate Eileen

This has been a terrible week for my health. On Sunday I nearly had a heart attack and for the following two days I couldn’t draw breath. Since then I have been breaking out into uncontrollable fits of laughter. It is only this morning I realise the giggling must stop. We have troubles in defence guys.

Before we address the hoo-ha of added time it must be noted that we defended as well as Swan Lake cast members in the derby. I know matches of this nature have a life of their own but Rio and Foster did not play well in a pressure fixture. That is something that needs serious looking at.

Ferdinand has been imperious for so long now I feel compelled to forgive him but there may be more to it. He only started 25 league games last year and injuries seem to be popping up all over his body. There is a suspicion he hasn’t been fully fit for a while and is playing through the pain to get to the World Cup. I’d probably do the same (call me Fabio).

Their third goal was largely his fault, obviously, and there is a strong argument to suggest he should have been covering position for the first too. Wes has not been the Wes of old recently and there is the thought of Pallister’s slow demise to back injuries haunting my mind. Could this be the end of Rio? I hope not.

Foster gets less leeway. That is about the fourth time he has blundered so far this season. He is a great reactionary goalie but his decision making seems to shudder in big games. Fergie has all the patience of Mike Tyson without his meds when it comes to keepers and the odds on United adding a 13th nationality to men between the sticks since Schmeical left get shorter by the day. (Pint to anyone who can name the other 12).

On the huge, enormous plus side Evra, Giggs and Fletcher were magnificent and, of course, we won. Giggs was absolutely deadly all match long and, Given apart, was by far and away the best player on the pitch. Still no start for Carrick and the rumours of
a fall out between him and Fergie may possibly have some substance. It is perhaps possible, methinks, to fall out with Fergie.

Okay, time added on. Everybody has done the maths and realised that it was justified with the substitution and Bellamy’s disgraceful plane celebration. Then, those sages at the Guardian analyse United and print that we always get more injury time at home when we’re not winning. Did they analyse any other team’s stats? Nope, notta one. Thanks guys, that’s quality journalism that.

And then we have have ickle Mickey Owen. I don’t know about you but he has endeared himself in my books. Ice cool with the finish and his role in Wellbeck’s goal last night was crucial too. Just about justified his price tag now.

Next up, away to Stoke. Put your shinpads on guys, I’m off to get a medical check-up.

In other news, Fernando Torres has been requested to undertake a gender test to prove he is not a woman. Well, he’s got his knockers…

Follow mark on twitter @markjpayne and www.thedevilinme.co.uk

Photography from my mate Eileen.

As one of our readers has pointed out, the commentators on ESPN were very Spurs biased (thanks Roberta) which was pretty out of order. I’ll turn the sound off and take the three points any day of the week.

Seeing who played well is a bit like staring into the sky at night. You know all of the stars are there but you only really see the ones which shine the brightest. United’s nebula occurred around Rooney, Giggs and Fletcher on Saturday. Berbatov did not do enough.

I have remained deaf to the critics of the Bulgar but in this game I could see their point. However, we don’t want to get on any of our own player’s backs- we can save all that for City next week. I still think Berbatov is one of the most skillful players in the league.

Spurs started amazingly but with just ten men we really outplayed them as they tailed off. Could this be a microcosm of the season they have to come? Stranger things have happened, after all, Tevez thought moving to the temple of doom was a good idea. Life is an unpredictable place sometimes.

Talking about unpredictable places we are in Turkey this week. Football crowds there make the average Saturday night in the Wig and Pen look like a church council meeting. Besiktas might not be Brazil 1970 but it’ll still be quite a tough test. Let’s hope we can display some more of the character shown at White Hart Lane.

Follow Mark on Twitter @markjpayne and http://blogs.soccernet.com/manchesterunited/

You have always got to question yourself if found agreeing with Mark Lawrenson. Monsieur mole-moustache and moi were both of the opinion that Fergie would buy again and we were both wrong.

Now, hypothetically, if I had £80milllion burning a whole in my pocket (let’s just savour that thought… yep, okay, and I’m back) then I might spend a bit of it. Just for kicks, walking past the crowd of football agents I may punt on the odd tackling midfielder, perhaps a nippy goal poacher or even a Newcastle player. Manchester United did not.

This is not great PR for the Glazers, I suppose nothing is. Do we all understand that the world stands on the brink of financial Armageddon? Yes, we do. Do we all understand that United rake in about £2million per home game? Indeed. Do we all think the squad is under-strength for a title challenge? I am afraid so.

Watching United play Arsenal was about as much fun as divorce. I personally phoned Greater Manchester Police at full-time to file a missing persons report. It reads:

Persons: Midfield
Residence: Old Trafford
Whereabouts: Unknown

At the time of going to press the police had no leads.

Arsenal are the closest English football has got to a team that plays like Barcelona. In fact, two years from now they will probably be better. Wenger is a wily old professor and I suspect, in this team, he is slowly building his masterpiece. We can all be grateful that Mike Dean is a football referee and not a homicide cop, but if I were Arsenal I’d still be aggrieved.

This leaves me with no choice but to turn to religion. I suppose in my head I have the traditional picture of God. A Frenchman with his collar turned up and an eyebrow threatening to rise.

God
We need to pray that Owen Hargreaves comes back looking like a Sherman tank and that Wayne Rooney remains impervious to injury. Thank goodness there aren’t too many needless England friendlies or ‘if’s attached to those prayers. Oh yeah, dammit.

Follow Mark Payne at www.thedevilinme.co.uk and @markjpayne on Twitter

Photography from Bonnaf at FlickrComs