The Devil In Me

Watching Phil Brown pick up that microphone and sing like a drunken uncle at a christening then reading he and his chairman are “mates”, I couldn’t help but think some people are just made for each other.

The great goatee himself will be back at Old Trafford next season and will probably give his half-time team talk in Lou Macari’s fish and chip shop, possibly wearing a hairnet and trying to up-sell haddock. I can’t wait.

One person who can do facial hair is Pep Guardiola, a man who looks like he could croon, dance and play the piano without embarrassing anybody. His piratically charming Barcelona side will be taking on our own team of champs and I am worried that we are desperately overrated.

In much the same way as Hull were going to be top four in November and Phil Brown the new England manager. From what I am reading at the moment, all United have to do is show up, play the best game of football in history and then walk off with the trophy. Piece of cake.

Evra has been in stunning from lately but I do wish he would shut up. There must have been a queue of journalists outside his front door last week waiting to be told how ‘he could keep Messi under control’ or ‘je suis le best left-back in the world’. Apparently, Evra feels he ‘controlled’ Messi in last year’s semi-final.

Did I watch the same game? In my memory those two matches were more terrifying than camping in a haunted forest with a serial killer. Messi looks an immense player to me and, good as postman Patrice is, the guy might have extra motivation to make mincemeat of him now. As usual, I hope I am wrong.

Perhaps our left back could call Mr. Brown for some tips on pride preceding a fall. Or perhaps not, Alan Shearer is probably the better phone call this week. On the other hand, Barca have Thierry Henry so our egotistiscal credit card of karma is in far less debt than the Catalans’. Phew.

I suppose many of you watched the Hull game looking for revealing morsels as to who will be rested and therefore saved for Rome. Me too. United upheld their longstanding support of the England team by giving Gary Neville (86) a start and allowing him to join up with the next national squad. Congrats on the call up Gary, alas, I fear you will be in a suit on Wednesday.

The back five pretty much picks itself, VDS, Evra, Rio, Vidic and O’Shea. Moving forwards things get a bit more tricky. Many of you have written and stated that we should play a team to stifle Barca’s forward moving jamboree and play on the counter.

I am afraid not. This is the European Cup final and we are Manchester United, so we attack. Okay. United will play four four two and I suspect that Fergie will want to pull some kind of tactical rabbit out of the hat to outwit an opposing manager young enough to be his great-grandson.

In the last two European finals he has done this with nifty wing shifts. Were it not for Messi I would expect to see Ronaldo on the left but the tracking back is far more likely to be done Park so he will get left flank and Anderson and Carrick will be in the middle.

A part of me thinks he might play Ronaldo as centre forward to bulldoze through their central defensive injury nightmare. However, when it comes to the job of bulldozing – there is only one Wayne Rooney. Which puts Ronaldo on the right wing, where he can still do plenty of damage thank you very much.

So, is it Tevez or Berbatov to partner Wayne up front? Drumroll please… it will be Berbatov. Fergie will count ball retention high up the pitch as important and the Bulgarian is far better at keeping it than the Argentine. Also, public shows of dissent do not a happy manager make.

Bench: Giggs, Scholes, Kuszack, Rafael, Tevez, Wes/Evans and probably Nani.

I have no idea about the outcome, but nonetheless come Wednesday, United we shall stand. Good luck guys.