Okay. So we are not trapped in the marshy trash compactor of a Starship Destroyer wearing uncomfortable Stormtrooper outfits with a strange beasty lurking beneath but, beware we should. I am not at all sure our record at New Wembley ((C) Tony Blair) is anything to feel confident about.
This year’s Carling Cup Final and the sequence repeated itself. Most of our attacks in that game resembled an old woman trying to stab a brick wall with a plastic takeaway fork. Not particularly incisive.
Prior to those glorious occasions we were mugged by Didier Drogba in the final throes of injury time when Chelsea were still under the control of Darth Mourinho. To put it mildly, our form on this ground ain’t too good.
There may be reasons for this. I am told that the pitch is made from a special turf that can be rolled up for rock concerts and has less traction than normal pitches. This could explain why our zippy passing game has yet to grace the hallowed turf. It also gives us the opportunity to blame James Blunt if we lose.
I don’t see the pitch being wider as a great problem. We have more wingmen than Maverick in Top Gun and should be able to exploit that extra space handsomely. So what is it then? I suggest it may simply be because the ground is in London. Our record there is nowhere near as good as it is in say, Birmingham, or even Liverpool.
Basically, nothing will surpirse me today. If the game was being played at any other ground in the country I would predict 2-1 either way. Now, I am not so sure. Everton have several players who are happy to put their boot in (to share a dressing room with Duncan Ferguson has its effects) and in Cahill they have a guy who can win football matches. As always, I live in hope, but, I have a baaad feeling about this.